Photo: Sunny window seal at my parents' :)
Generally, I'm a pretty big worrier. My mind goes 1,000,000 miles per minute, I want to plan every aspect of my life, and I want it to all be apparent and happen RIGHT NOW. As you'd imagine, that has killed my vibe on many-a-day. I found myself incredibly depressed by not having that job I'd love, not knowing what the next step was, not making much money, not having the home I want, not being in the city I want to live in. It goes on and on.
My boyfriend used to tell me that it was all in my frame of mind. I realized that to a certain extent, but I would roll my eyes at him and try to explain (in my extremely frustrated tone of voice) that his mind just didn't work the way that mine did; that he couldn't see the world how I saw it. This is totally true, of course, but I had to stop chipping my unhappiness up to my very creative, often overly critical, and extremely worried brain.
I thought of starting a gratitude journal, but that just added another thing to my plate of to-dos. So I thought, "Kadija...in the moment that you feel overwhelmed, lost, or worried, look around and see the beautiful things in your life. Take a second, just a second, to breath in that moment. And most of all, show it appreciation and love."
It sounds very Eat, Pray, Love-ish, but it has made the greatest difference in my outlook on life. So at the end of the day when I'm completely engulfed in all that is life and feeling like I have no idea how to keep pushing through, I take a second to look around my little scruffy apartment and feel its warmth. I hear my son's laugh and I savor it. I thank the heaven's for my paycheck...understanding that it could be better, but that I'm making my way there (and it could also be so much worst).
I continue to plan for the future, try to keep pushing myself outside of my comfort zone daily, and look for opportunities all around to move toward where I someday would like to be. But there's no better place than right here and now, with all its quirky crazy beautiful moments.